Missing assignments,
An uncleaned room,
But I can't find the motivation to fix it.
Sleeping constantly,
Yet always tired.
"Just anxiety,"
Or "depression," they say
"It's always mental health," they say.
Chronic pain,
My legs feel like they bear the weight of the world.
I stop showing up to practice for months.
No one calls, no one texts,
But they all seem to ask each other.
Turns out it wasn't "nothing."
Turns out it was more than just mental health.
My body attacking itself, making me feel like I am always sick.
So when I say I don't feel good,
I mean it.
Don’t tell me to pretend,
To act as if everything is okay,
Because when it's not, it’s not.
Despite this year being filled with so much brokenness, as Micah Tyler says in his song “Nothing to Broken”:
I see all the tears and the pain.
And I know that you think you're alone,
But I'm still by your side.
I am reminded in God's Word that He is with me through every season. With every hardship God has allowed in my life, He has also provided me with the faith, the steadfastness, and the people to see it through. I am reminded in Jeremiah 29:11 that His plan is perfect:
For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.
I find comfort in knowing that He is using my story in big ways, using the brokenness in my life for His good. I don't have to understand how or why, because that's not for me to understand in this lifetime.
Many small miracles have been found this year. The people I've met and the relationships I've deepened through this hardship, I truly believe, were God-sent.
I would never wish for anyone to go through the pain I’ve experienced this year. But as difficult as it has been, I wouldn't change any part of it.
"You opened doors that no one could shut." — Million Little Miracles by Elevation Worship
When this year gave me no other choice but to surrender everything to Him, I began to notice new opportunities opening up in ways I never imagined. Pure joy found its way into my life, life felt less heavy, and laughter—the kind that leaves you breathless and makes your stomach ache—became a more frequent occurrence. I earned good grades, was accepted into my dream college, and experienced so much more. I could feel His hand guiding me toward things that filled me with purpose and fulfillment.
As I continue navigating the first few months and years with these new chronic illnesses, I surrender each day to Him. I know that He brought me through yesterday and will bring me through today, no matter what it may hold.
Have you ever felt like your pain or struggles were dismissed or misunderstood by others?
Where do you find hope when life feels heavy or uncertain?
Are there moments of "small miracles" in your life that you sometimes overlook?
What would it look like for you to surrender your worries or pain to God?
How can you support someone else who might feel unseen or is struggling with their own invisible battles?
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